gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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