I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
