Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
