I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
