I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
