We're facebook friends in real life
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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