my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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