i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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