I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
