i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
