I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Terrible idea I love it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
