The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
