oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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