Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
