Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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