OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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