I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
