Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
