This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
