Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
