Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
