True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
