i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
