No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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