I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
