Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
