she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
