chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
