In the future we'll all be gay
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
