he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
