I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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