your thong is hanging out like whoa
Swine flu. Run for my life!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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