dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
