i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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