Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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