Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i now understand why vodka
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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