you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
