Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
