im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
