I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
