are you so shy because you have an std?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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