Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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