first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
