Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
