i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
