I wanna passion pit in your ass
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
