Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
