Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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