laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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