So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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